


Tell me why it hurts

by Zapcrictifier



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Look I just think this au fits them so damn well okay, Sarishinohara!AU, well I tried to angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:54:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23924935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zapcrictifier/pseuds/Zapcrictifier
Summary: Hina feels a pull within her. It’s painful, like something shot through her chest. This always happens whenever she hears this voice; what used to be a fuzzy and funny feeling has turned into something that… hurts.She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand.She needs to know why it hurts so damn much that it’s hard to breathe.
Relationships: Hikawa Hina/Maruyama Aya
Comments: 2
Kudos: 46





	Tell me why it hurts

The lights become even more blinding the longer Hina stares.

  


There’s something surreal about this moment as she stands there unmoving in the middle of the crowd and shrouded by the darkness of the room for all of the spotlight pours down on to the center of the attention. Colors of blue, green, white and pink fill her eyes and Hina feels as if she’s trapped in a daze but not finding it in herself to break free. It’s dazzling, all of it, and she knows she’d never seen anything brighter in her entire life before.

  


But, there’s something missing. Something she’s longing for.

  


She hears it in the voice of the singer, smooth and melodious in a way that reminds her of the finest silk. The same voice she’d listened to over and over through her earphones, mouthing the lyrics she’d long memorized by heart. The same voice that used to speak beside her, sputtering in embarrassment or laughing to something funny she said 

  


Hina feels a pull within her. It’s painful, like something shot through her chest. This always happens whenever she hears this voice; what used to be a fuzzy and funny feeling has turned into something that… hurts.

  


She doesn’t get it. She doesn’t  _ understand _ . 

  


She needs to know why it hurts so damn much that it’s hard to breathe.

  


As if a marionette dangling on strings, Hina stumbles forward and closer to the center of the room. She pushes against the sway of the towering bodies, ignoring their protests. She needs to get to the front. She needs to get to the stage. Because maybe if Hina finally sees her in person after all these months, she’d finally begin to realize why her heart is beating so fast that the drums of the song can’t even keep up.

  


The stage is even more brilliant from the front as Hina holds onto the railing separating it from the audience with surprising tightness. But it can’t compare to the way her breath lodges in her throat so painful that her eyes sting. 

  


In the vast expanse of the raised platform with all the lights pointing at her and the crowd shouting her name, Maruyama Aya had never shone so bright before - had never been  _ happier _ . Hina sees it in the way her smile is twice as wide as she remembers, those pink orbs shining uncontrolled glee as she sings and dances to the song  _ made  _ for her. In this dark and cramped room, Aya is the center of her own universe.

  


It’s all that she ever wanted for as long as Hina had known her.

  


Aya had never felt so far from her before.

  


The pain in her chest grows.

  


_ Closer, _ she thinks, gripping the metal tighter.  _ I need to get closer! _

  


She doesn’t even realize she has begun to climb over the railings until she hears the shocked gasps and shouts of the people behind her to stop. Security then realized what she was trying to do when Hina finally gets in and makes a mad dash to the stage, eyes focused on the girl who’s stopped singing and staring back in surprise.

  


Her heart pounds in her ears as she climbs her way up, ignoring the footsteps and enraged shouts behind her. Maybe she’ll be arrested, maybe she’ll become some internet sensation everyone will shame on but she doesn’t care. Aya’s standing before her now, only an arm’s length away and that’s the only thing Hina cared about ever since Aya first left her behind on the train platform feeling empty and lost.

  


It took her months to realize it’s because the idol had taken a piece of Hina with her.

  


Aya’s eyes water and it’s only then that Hina notices that hers are doing the same.

  


“H-Hina-chan…?”

  


“Aya-chan,” Hina speaks, voice wobbly as she takes a step forward. She wants to hold her. She wants to feel her in her arms again and never let go. She  _ shouldn’t _ have let go. “Aya-chan I-”

  


Someone tackles her to the ground before Hina can take another step, sending her sprawling against the cold floor of the stage. A weight presses down and pins her arms behind her. It’s only then that she realizes that the room has long gone silent and the only sound is the guard cuffing her hands.

  


Hina doesn’t bother fighting and only lets herself be pulled to her feet.

  


“We’re so sorry for the disturbance,” the man apologizes, tightening his hold on her cuffed hands. Hina flinches. “We should have been more strict with the security. Please forgive us.”

  


Aya’s teary gaze never leaves her as she wrings her hands nervously. Conflict shines in those pink eyes, as if she, too, wants to reach out. Once, surely, the Aya-chan she knew wouldn’t have hesitated to pull Hina against her, reeling in the impulsive girl before she gets herself hurt. 

  


But people change, and Aya only looks down. Hina recognizes the way her stomach drops as disappointment.

  


“I-It’s no worries!” Aya says, and this time when she looks up, she has the fakest smile plastered on. Hina never liked it when she does that. “I’m fine! Just… I ask you don’t hurt her, please.”

  


“Aya-chan…”

  


“Enough with you, you’ve already caused a lot of trouble,” the man grunts and a second security comes up behind her to drag her away as a staff member drapes a jacket around Aya’s shoulders and ushers her. Thanks to her stunt, the concert will be put to a stop for a while. Hina watches her leave until she disappears behind the stage.

  


Just like that, Maruyama Aya has once again left her life without anything to hold on to.

  


_ “An idol? What’s that?” _

  


_ “Someone that sings, dances and makes people smile and inspires them to have dreams! I always wanted to be one.” _

  


_ “Pfft, are you gonna do all those weird poses too?” _

  


_ “Hina-chan, they’re not weird– hey! Stop laughing! Mou…” _

  


_ “Awww come on, you know I was just kidding~” _

  


_ “You know I don’t like it when you tease me!” _

  


_ “That’s only ‘cos Aya-chan’s so boppin'! And if you want, I’ll help you be an idol thing or whatever!” _

  


_ “... Really? You will?” _

  


_ “Of course! Hehe, I can’t wait to see Aya-chan’s funny dancing~” _

  


_ “Hina-chan!” _

  


She wonders what could have been if she hadn’t encouraged her, if she had chosen to be selfish instead of letting Aya board that train. Aya wouldn’t have been happy but surely she could have found something else, another hope – a  _ different _ dream. One that had Hina in it, one that she could still have Aya by her side.

  


She could have heard her voice in a way that isn’t just from her songs. She could have those mesmerizing pink eyes look at her and only her again.

  


She could have had  _ her _ Aya, the funny girl so different from her but Hina treasured all the same instead of the idol who belonged to everyone but never to someone. Never will be hers.

  


With her hands cuffed and head bowed, Hina finally understands what this hurt really is.

  


It’s the regret of letting the only girl she’ll ever love go.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I got Hina's character down right, but hey, I tried XD I just wanted to write a little thing for this AU 
> 
> And if you don't know what Sarishinohara is, it's based on a real life story about a popular idol who was part of AKB48 that lost her fame and high status cos it was found out that she was dating someone despite the love ban. There's a three-part song series about it by Hatsune Miku and covered by RIB of the same name, give it a listen it's great! Also pls imagine AyaHina while doing so I SWEAR I JUST THINK THEY FIT IT ;W;


End file.
